How can I be a mom?

My eldest daughter told me today: “Mom, why don’t you write a book about being a mom?”

🤣 I could not stop laughing. 🤣

I told my daughter: “The book you want me to write would have just one sentence… How to survive and fight the thoughts of feeling the worst mom alive?”

I will tell you the truth. In my first pregnancy I felt that I did not deserve the child I was going to give birth to. After I had my first child, I did not feel I was a mom for a very, very long time. Even with my friends and family telling me: “you are a great mom.” I could not believe it. I feared to be the same mom, my mother was to me. My own mother was very disconnected and always working.

My eldest daughter and I.

My second preganancy all I could think about is how alone I was in the process of my pregnancies. During my second pregnancy my husband’s sister was pregnant and being pampered by her parents in front of my eyes. It really opened my eyes to feel resentment for wanting to have my family pamper me during my own pregnancy. I was loosing my grandmother (real mother) and my grandfather had already died. My biological father had moved to Florida and my mother was still working non-stop (she always said she had no time for anything else.) I had not had a present mom. I was always taken care of by others in the family. My biological mother dedicated herself to her education and career completely. So, I expected to be a disconnected mom just like I learned from my mom, with my own kids.

My second daughter with her Dad showing her Sunday School work.

My third pregnancy for a long time I fought against having any other children. I imagine me forgetting my child in the backseat of the car because three would be too much for me to manage. I already felt so incapable of managing 2, imagine adding one more. Oh, how wrong was I!!! When we decided to homeschool the Lord used a beautiful well behaved little homeschooler (this family’s third child) to open my heart to having another child. This toddler was changing my perspective on family life. As part of a Homeschooling group we all went to a theater to watch a play. Oh! Wow! How the Lord opened my eyes that day. The theater was full of regular school children and the front area of the auditorium had all homeschooling children and their parents. You could perceive the difference between the regular school children and the homeschooling children. The homeschooling children where all well behaved and ready to watch the play. The regular school children where ready to jump up and down and scream all over the place. They where so loud and exalted, it seem like they needed to go to a park to let go of all that energy. When you watched all the homeschooling waiting with patience and order to see the play, speaking low among themselves, without abandoning their assign seating there was a huge difference. I could see homeschooling had something different that made me believe in a different way to deal with children. I can only imagine that what made all the difference is the Love, the acceptance, the time invested, the getting to know who is your child, the investing in their future with whatever helps them grow in wisdom, and in truth. These homeschooler really taught me that a child that is seen by their parents is so full of love and acceptance that makes all the difference in society with their well behave attitude. No need to impress outside to earn the love and attention they crave from no time at home with parents. (Remember I was that child that needed to impress the outside world, because the love and attention I craved from the one that bore me, I never received it.)

I am writing about this almost 4 years after this event. I can see today when I look at my children that only LOVE and our effort to know their strength and weaknesses can make them better each and every day. I always try to do better at loving and guiding them with an open heart to get to see them, and not what I want to imagine they are.

My husband’s heart was always ready, he is the second child of three. My eldest was also praying for years for another child.

That little child in that little moment at a play opened my heart to have another child of my own. The love and peace she showed and the security she found in being stuck to her mom at all times before, during, and after the play confronted me! Its a baby! She was waiting to watch a play silently, interested, aware and she was at all times in perfect peace and order. What a difference! I wanted this! 😍

My own little homeschooled toddler “stuck to me at all times.” What a blessing of hope she has been to all in such a time as this! “Pandemic Baby”

Even when feeling completely unprepared and so not capable of filling the shoes of someone being called a mother. The Lord shortly after opened my womb again and I was pregnant with our third child. This process was used to heal my harden heart about my own capabilities of leading my own children in a world of continued change and uncertainty, all because JESUS was giving me the go ahead in His perfect peace that surpasses all understanding, and to believe He was guiding my family, and securing our steps each day.

Yes! A woman can be called a mother and not really feel, act, and be a real mother. If we let the Lord be the center of our hearts. Jesus heals us and uses every hurt for our childrens good, edification, and blessings.

Praying for you…

May the Lord bless your family with unity and peace. May the Lord edify every area of your family’s life to be transformed for all your good. May You see Jesus making all things new inside and out within your family’s unity. May all hearts be edified and healed inside out to shine Jesus glory more and more.

Jesus loves you and so do I.

In His time, He makes it all new and worth the wait.

Jireh – His provision

I share this to encourage all that choose to believe. Its hard in times like these to choose to remain in Jesus.

I need to let you know that God will provide every time from His riches in glory even when it seems impossible.

In this season I have a toddler and this is the only diaper her skin accepts. Because of “Puerto Rico’s truck drivers’ strike” merchandize is not moving, our daughter’s diapers could not be found. I do not know if this impact is limited to Puerto Rico because in Amazon these diapers prices have been inflated to twice their original price.

Well I started praying and explaining to others what happened. How I used to pay .20 cents per diaper and now I am being ask to pay .60 cents per diaper. My awesome mom said: “forget about Amazon, go to local pharmacies.” I did!

To remind you I am only sharing this to encourage you and to give God all the glory. I know I am but God’s vehicle to share His way in my live so He can do it again in your life.

As I went to two different stores and only found these two diaper bags at a better price, I started praying. Yes, I believe in praying at all times for all circumstances without ceasing. I confess that I have so much in my plate in this season, my prayer life has decreased a lot. In this moment of need I again asked my Father in heaven. Where do I go now? I started thinking. As His Spirit always speaks to me through numbers, I saw this number: 453 on a license plate. I searched for my bible and their it was, the Word I needed to read to believe that he would provide in these circumstances:
“And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the Lord, which call thee by

thy name, am the God of Israel.” Isaiah‬ ‭45:3‬ ‭KJV‬‬ 🥲 God is so good, God is so faithful to speak to us and guide us at all times. Its easier to know Him and His ways when we choose to remain connected to Him. (Reading His Word and praying for everyone that comes to mind and also by praising Him.)


In my minds eye I saw a specific Walgreens to visit, one I have only used on dire circumstances in the past. I will tell you that I found my daughter’s diapers and I bought just enough to leave some behind for another mom that may need them.

God can make a way when their seems to be no way. His riches in glory will be available for all who believe. Remain seeking, knocking, asking (Matthew 7:7) and may He provide all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 1, Philippians 4).

I am praying with you right now believing with you for what you need…

Right now I am believing with you for your own needs. May the grace of our King of kings show you how His mercy in our provision in this season of your life. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

The Way in His plans

Plans the Lord has are way better than our own plans.

He is the Way so He knows the best available option. Ask! Seek!

I lived in misery, wanting to die (suicidal thoughts every day all my teen years and early twenties). I could not think of my original dream of having a big family because of all the horrible news that the world had to offer. I said to myself: “why bring a child into this fallen world?” I said: “why would I let them suffer as I also suffered.” So in my mind there was no hope for a future in this chaotic world for many years. Yet, JESUS had a better plan for my life all along! Wow and what a plan to change my mind!!! (Blessings that we do not deserve.)

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

This bible verse comes to life today as I acknowledge how The Lord used our first born daughter to bring us together as a family. God brought hope and a future. If it was for me and my husband we would not have lasted and made our matrimony possible. We were too immature and all about video games and having fun with our friends.

Our Father’s (God’s) plans of gifting us the blessing of our first born re-routed our lives in such a profound way. This morning, as I meditate on His promise, I am so in awe remembering this moment that started to change everything. His promises (written in the Holy Bible) supersede everything we could choose for our own lives. As I see my first born bloom into such a wonderful young lady, full of faith and wisdom from above is such a gift from heaven. All by His surpassing grace and not bay anything her father and I could have built in her. Yes, this world is different, but so are we. We empower her with love, giving her a voice, respect, and honor while we all learn to WAIT ON THE LORD for His goodness in the midst of the ups and the downs this life has to offer.

Whenever we miss the mark of love, we apologize and try again with all our hearts. No one is perfect and bringing baggage into our homes is normal. This is why God’s grace helps us be healed and restored to do it better than our own parents. We are far away from perfect but everyday praying for access to Jesus perfect love that cast out all fear from our midst. 🥰 His promises never return void.☀️ What a hope I can teach my children in the midst of a discouraging world.

Trust = walking on water = courage. Its never easy, this is faith… Trusting Jesus even when you can’t see the outcome because He will prove His faithfulness by guarding us in the midst of the fear, doubt, and the uncertainty.

He said GO, and we WENT. Traveling with my girls starting Covid season, trusting Jesus. We all know He is faithful. Believing Psalm 91 promises all the way.

God has the ONE for you

On December 25 2005 , I felt so depressed, so alone,and so tired from all the toxic relationships I had permitted myself to have for years. This day was a fork on the road, I felt it was enough of TOXIC and I decided to express my anger to God. I told God: “I deserved good people in my life since I was a good child.” I kept saying some really rough words to God in my anger and frustration. I was crying and really pleading to be heard.

That same night I wrote a friendly e-mail to five different people men and women on a “social media platform.” It was actually a Blogging/Messenger website. I saw their stories, blogs, pictures and decided to see who seem to walk towards love and family. It was decided, I needed new positive people in my life. Amazing enough, that same night, out of all the people I contacted, only one answered, MY NOW HUSBAND OF 13 years.

Something cool about this testimony is that my husband that same day did the same prayer in a very different way from His side of the world.

Through testimonies like this one Jesus can make it possible for you to experience this truth that sets us free from unbelief.

🙏Let me pray for you…

May the Lord open the way to meet that God fearing person in your life that will bring love, transformation, faith, hope, and peace. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

💞Jesus loves you and so do I.

Homeschooling

“…, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the Lord of hosts.” Zechariah‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭KJV‬‬
Its all God, I can’t do this without His grace. 💖

What a mission to work and mold our character as parents and as sons and daughters of God.
I live thanking Jesus for the day He woke me up to understand that homeschooling was possible. He used Michelle Marie and many other ladies to teach me what is to be brave and to choose your kids well being above commodity. In my case the reason for homeschooling came from violence at school. No, it was not bullying, it was not words. My girl got to my arms covered in purple bruises throughout all her body.

Yes we went for all the weight of the law to inflict the pain we wanted others to feel we where going through. Yet, Jesus set us free from desiring our own earthly corrupted justice and gave us a better moment of education and taught the other parents and their child what mark of LOVE and emotional support they where missing. God gave us all closure and also set us on a new journey called Homeschooling.

My priorities for a while where to get a title and a career in nursing. During this time while I was too busy following the vanity of life, others taught my kids: “How is not necessary to listen to your parents.” 💔 Yep, this happens! God was so good to permit a horrible affliction in my life, through my own bad choices to stir me in a new path to LOVE others and my family the right way. 💝

We can use our highs and lows to edify others. This is why I take my time to share a bit of our journey. May it be for your encouragement and to bless you. 💓

Dwelling = enter His rest

In the beginning Adam and Eve through sin seeking their own (earthly, limited) KNOWLEDGE broke the intimate relationship God wanted to have with all mankind. In the garden, before their sin, Adam and Eve lived in an intimate relationship with God, where He walked with them in the garden. This garden was created for all of us to have access to an intimate relationship with our Creator. Yet after sin came into the world, access to have intimacy with God was no longer available.

What would change this circumstances?

God made us with the purpose of relationship not to manipulate us or use us. God did not want to be an angry distant God. God wanted to remain close to you and to participate in our daily tasks and use our talents for His awesome plans on this earth. God wants us to learn how to love Him and learn also to love and serve one another.

This is where relationship with Jesus comes in. All religions ask you for works to be saved and have “peace.” Yet our true Creator decided to do all the work for us by sending His son to die for our sins (all of them, past and present) to clean us from our fallen world and invite us to connect with Him in intimacy. How? Well you just have to BELIEVE in Jesus Christ. When you decide to BELIEVE this makes you automatically a Child of God, a new creation the old things have gone and the new have come.

When you accept Jesus into your heart you decide to enter the relationship God always wanted you to have with Him. In this relationship He offers many blessings, yet it does come with many tests along the way. The good news is that Jesus died on the cross to bear the burdens of this world for you. In intimacy you can lay down your life for His purpose to be fulfilled and enter a rest that gives you peace in every circumstance.

Praying for you today…

May the blood of the Lamb of God silence the lies of this world today and everyday. In Jesus name I pray. Amen. 💝

☀️Jesus loves you and so do I.🌈

Butterfly transformation

I never realized how much creation shows us the way life is. As a butterfly our life is an eternal transformation. Jesus is working on us at all times in life. Of course, this transformation can only happen when we let Him come into our heart. How? You may ask. Just say:

“Jesus come into my heart and forgive all of my sins, turn my heart into your house of prayer.” In Jesus name. Amen. (This is just an example, you can do it however this prayer comes to you.) The most important part about this prayer is that your words have to align with your heart’s desire to become a child of God. 😉

A while back 11 years to be exact I realized how dead I was walking my path in this life. I was gifted with a near death experience that started to open my eyes to what truly matters. Through my cancer I started not caring about having a house, a car, a career, a title, new phone, tv, movies, games, etc.

All I realized I cared about was to let people know how brief life is.

All I started caring about was what God cared about.

Things I started to pray for and help whenever I had access to help:

The mom without a house.

The kid without a meal at school.

The friend that needed help with her kids while she took a breather.

The marriage of a loved one.

My friend’s career.

My friend’s sick loved ones.

My neighbor’s dog.

The abandoned cats around the neighborhood.

This started taking me to a path I never thought to find. I started to pray intentionally for everything and everyone. No one sent me to do it, I just saw others needs and I could not helped myself but help. The moment I realize how fulfilling it is to serve and meet the needs of others, I just never wanted to stop.

I am so thankful for the cancer that changed my life. I am so thankful that every affliction or process is a higher weight of Glory in Jesus. I can see that every time I go through some type of trial the Lord is waiting on the other side with a new opportunity for encouragement and a stronger faith. 🌈

Jesus loves you and so do I…

Today’s prayer…

May the Lord allow you to see all the trials he has permitted in your life and how He used them all for your good. Thank you Jesus for all good and bad that edify us in our faith walk. In Jesus name. Amen. ☀️

WORDS that build UP

Affirmation is a powerful tool.

Want a better marriage?

Want a better relationship with your children?

Want a better relationship with people?

Love is the key to everyones hearts.

I only wish someone would have told me sooner the power of words in a child’s life. I am just so thankful I know now.

My marriage is taking a much needed “facelift” thanks to the power of words. Daily encouragement through words of affirmation is so powerful.

Lets all use it… be intentional!

I was Derrailing

I have derailed from my work in the Lord and I did not even noticed. I am not willing to write about it and that is exactly why I will write about it. I will be following where the Lord is leading me. This is a new season and it is a choice to remain transparent. Transparency in my life has been a work in progress this year. Learning every day that life is a journey and not a destination. This helps with trusting and resting in God. Sometimes we want to reach certain goals to receive the praises of men. This is so wrong in so many ways! This is the world we have been educated in. Now Abba Father does not want us to be pleasing men, for as it says in His word “if we pleased men we should not be called His servants.”

I am understanding now to work only for Abba and not for men in this season of my life. Sometimes for Abba to set us free from certain mindsets, He takes His time to do so, so that the change will be permanent. At this point I want to rush his teaching and my ability to update and implement it in my life but I understand this is not the way. This is where I am again saying to myself: “life is a journey and not a destination.” Transformation takes time and that is ok. Rushing life’s lessons can just make you miss the most important parts of the lesson. So choosing to keep my calm while I am instructed and Abba brings restoration to my way of thinking.

Abba says to not rely on our own understanding and to acknowledge Him in all our ways so that He can direct our path. This is where I find myself. Telling Abba I can’t do this without you, help me not to ever remain in disobedience. I want to do everything for the Lord and not unto man. So now I am heading back on track by only seeking God’s acceptance and not men’s praises.

Pray with me today…

Abba thank you for your Holy Spirit that is our teacher. Thank you for bringing me back on track by seeking only your acceptance and your praises.

Abba loves you and so do I.

Relationship and homeschooling

Relationship with Jesus is taking a road of friendship and joy. The way I see this is that when you least expected you are hanging out with Abba and don’t even notice it. I can see beyond my self sufficiency. I can see how much I need Abba now. I need Him to breath, I need Him to think, I need Him to work, I need Him to love, I need Him to laugh, and I also need Him to enjoy everyday.

My kids and I notice Him in everything around us now. We can see Him in a moving car. We can see Him in a homeless person. We can see Him in a sunset or a starry night. We are thanking Him for every opportunity we get to admire His creativity. We are understanding that beyond a friendship with Him is chaos and emptiness. We are understanding that letting go of Abba’s hand means to conform to a world that does not know how to love. Abba is love. We need His love and daily dosage of guidance to live.

I am thankful for every step He has turn in my ways through my life to make me start our homeschool process. Sometimes I just don’t know why He would ask this of me. Many times I am so thankful for the opportunity to see my kids flourish into very capable young girls. I get to teach them how to not only study but be part of a team daily to get stuff done.

I am thankful Abba has been transforming my mind for a long time now to be able to see the blessing in the chaos. I can see how at the end of the day He is the one to organize my schedule perfectly and make me feel as a Super mom. I know that I could never do this without my beautiful loving kids. They are the light of our house. They teach me joy daily. I know, I sure need it, hey! Who does not? Thank You Jesus. 💕

If we let go and let God take the reigns, life becomes fun. Even when you could never imagine yourself having the strength or the patience God is the one to do it all. I know that without Abba I am nothing. He is my patience, He is my reminder, He is my counselor, He is my helper, and so much more.

Pray with me, please…

Abba let me seek you every day with all my heart. Transform my ways to your ways.

In Jesus name, Amen.