Early in my life, I remember seeing cartoons of healing miracles performed by the Virgin Mary of Fatima through some little kids. I remember telling my mother that I wanted to heal people like those kids. She said to me with such conviction that since I was a good girl I could probably get to see the Virgin Mary at some point and I could get that ability from her. After this information I could only imagine that lady creeping up in my room at night, so I would always go and sneak in my mother’s bedroom because I was sure I was seeing things at night move in my room. This went on most of my formative toddler and middle school years. Being brought up as a “Catholic” I would only visit the church if I stayed for the weekend with my grandparents or on especial events like baptisms or weddings. I do remember my mother praying The Lord’s Prayer with me every night, this was the limited information I got on a relationship with God.
To summarize my “bible study” when I was just a child was:
-Church was visited once in blue moon or especial events. Oh, and when you visit ask God for one thing you really want. (“Like a genie in a bottle.”)
-Virgin Mary can visit kids and she has all the power to heal so she is the one to give it to us kids to perform.
-Pray the Lord’s prayer every night.
-Once a month you would get light a candle to a saint for a prayer request. My mom’s favorite was saint Jude. She would purchase this candle at the supermarket. I did get to do this a few times when I had my own apartment.
Growing up my grandmother loved to talk about the paranormal activity she experienced in her house due to living right in front of a cemetery when she was growing up. Her mother was a spiritist and she dabbled in the occult. So, the paranormal activity had nothing to do with the cemetery, I am sure of this. This type of conversations just freaked me out even more. I was so afraid of the dark when I was just a small child. I remember having horrible night terrors. The idea of crossing the hallway to my mother’s bedroom got to be torture for years.
Fast forwarding a few years I went through a couple of bad experiences that no little girl should ever go through and this really change my love for God. Not that I had established a real love for someone I barely knew existed. I knew more about the virgin Mary and paranormal activity than I knew about Jesus. So sad, I know! When these incidents happened, and my family did not listen due to the family name and their status I was really hurt. I understood that God was never with me and I thought by then, that there could not be a God. After all the emotional abandonment and the disregard for my trauma I grew bitter and hated the world more and more by the minute. I decided to turn my world into a party non-stop, so I could anesthetize my pain. I had this really “cool and awesome life” or so that is how I showed all my friends and family but deep down inside hate, depression, sadness, and loneliness were eating me up inside. I needed to take control of my life, so I decided to dabble in the occult. I started with a “Ouija Board” and ended up in “white witchcraft” let me tell you there is no white or black, witchcraft is witchcraft. I decided I would start reading tarot cards and got really good at it.
At a very young age I decided to have a very deep relationship with this person. As soon as this relationship turned sour I wanted to control it. I did a spell to make us closer. That night after the moonlight, the candles, the time, and the words he calls me and tells me that his car and all that was in it was stolen. I remember crying like a baby. His car was new, and everything cool he owned for entertainment was in it, including a work laptop. I got him into so much trouble. I felt so guilty that I told him what I had done. This just created the unhealthiest relationship ever lived. We were always together because he depended on me to drive him everywhere. He was so upset and unhappy it was depressing to see. This just led us to crash and burn years later after much emotional abuse. To this day I can say that all the years subjected to witchcraft my life was unstable, depressive, and so empty. I could be surrounded by many friends and having “fun” and still feel a void that friends, alcohol, or parties could never fill.
Years went by and changes came, I got tired of doing the same thing over and over again. God was ready to work with my heart by then. I remember starting to sing a song that was in my mind for a long time when I was alone. I had heard this song at my high school graduation years before I started singing it and it had stuck in my head. The high school graduation was a Catholic mass, so, this was a song of praise to the Lord. I did not know about praise or God being moved in praise. My mind would always go back to that song. So, I kept singing it when alone. Now I see that God was doing it all for me. I did not even know how powerful His praise could be. So, several years in this bad situation I would open my catholic school bible and ask God to lead me to what he wanted to tell me. If he was real? This was 3 different times in 3 different years. The page that would always come up in this old bible, never used, and never marked was:
Deuteronomy 18: 10-14: “No one among you is to sacrifice his son or daughter in the fire, practice divination, tell fortunes, interpret omens, practice sorcery, cast spells, consult a medium or a spiritist, or inquire of the dead. Everyone who does these acts is detestable to the Lord, and the Lord your God is driving out the nations before you because of these detestable acts. You must be blameless before the Lord your God. Though these nations you are about to drive out listen to fortune-tellers and diviners, the Lord your God has not permitted you to do this.”
The third year, the third time, trust me, I freaked out and I definitely got the message. That same day I decided to trashed thousands of dollars in witchcraft books and collectable tarot cards. I never looked back. I did not start reading the bible right away, but I still was starting to see changes in my life. God, year after year, was working on the life he wanted me to live, not the one I was living. One night after 3 years without a special person in my life, I prayed to God. I decided to scream because I was so angry at him. I told him that deep down inside I had always been a good girl and that it was time, I deserved that good guy that would never let me down. That same night because of a really bad experience with a girl at church my “especial guy” decided to ask God in prayer for a girl that had nothing to do with church. That night I met my husband. We have been together ever since. His family was the one to open the door to know the love of God. I thank God every day for his way to love us even when we don’t know the power of his love in our lives. He keeps seeking us. It’s our wrong attitude and decisions that keep pushing Him away. Choose to put him first by talking to God like if he was sitting next to you. Apologize for whatever wrong you may have done and invite Him into your life. Oh the beauty you can experience at his feet will surpass anything lived up to now.
Please, pray with me today:
Thank you, God for truth being spoken to our hearts.
Thank you, Jesus for taking away our heart of stone and giving us a new heart of flesh ready to receive a new spirit in us.
Thank you for your wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, revealed each day to our hearts.
Thank you for renewing our strength and our love to bless others and bring love to those who need it.
In Jesus name. Amen.
God loves you and so do I.